When I woke up this morning, I had high hopes. Today was the day. I'd win John August's Make Your Introduction Scene Challenge, and there'd be no looking back - the glamorous life of a professional screenwriter would be mine. I'd have more coke and whores than I'd know what to do with.This is how it was supposed to be.
Instead, John chose two lesser submissions as the winners. I was shocked. Shocked, I tell you. My dreams were crushed. Was he not going to personally call me and refer me to his agent based on how great my submissions were? What about the introduction to Tim Burton, would that not happen as well?
My world was coming crumbling down around me.
But the person who really lost today was not me. No. It was John August. Because I no longer plan to share with him my meta game plan to extend the Big Fish franchise into a trilogy - Bigger Fish, and Big Fish: With a Vengeance. I'm keeping those little nuggets of gold to myself now.
The truth is, I spent all of five minutes on my two submissions. With the first I just wanted to make a Tim Burton zinger, and the second was my feeble attempt to redeem myself. I failed at redemption. I failed at impressing John August.
I have failed as a human being today.
I have no excuse.
Oh, and here are my two submissions.
Submission One:
INT. HAPPY LAUND-O-RAMA - DAY
The Korean family running this joint never skimp on the starch. Clothes wrapped in plastic whiz in circles as the thirteen family members working today turn their attention to JOHN AUGUST (36), entering with a stained tuxedo in hand.
His fidgeting annoys the father at the front desk.
JOHN
Uh, I was at an awards dinner last night and–FATHER
What wrong with suit?JOHN
It’s a tuxedo, actually.The father grows more annoyed and just stares at John.
JOHN
I spilled wine on it.FATHER
Okay. Seven dollah. You come back Wednesday.JOHN
Do I get a slip?The father looks like he’s ready to jab John in the neck with his pen as he fills out the slip and angrily hands it to him.
FATHER
Bye.JOHN
(mumbling)
Tim never has to put up with this shit.
Submission Two:
INT. HAPPY LAUND-O-RAMA - DAY
FRANK DAWSON (35) enters the busiest dry cleaners west of Sunset Boulevard and takes his place in line. Each time he’s about to reach the front, he turns around and allows another person to cut in front of him.
FRANK
Oh that looks heavy. Go on ahead of me.And another.
FRANK
Yikes, that’s a lot of laundry. You go first.And another.
FRANK
You’ve got a lot more than I do, I insist you cut.The korean woman at the front eyes him curiously, as this continues for well over an hour. Eventually, there is no one left.
KOREAN WOMAN
Sir?FRANK
Oh, sorry. I just didn’t want to be alone today.Frank leaves behind a gentle smile as he exits.
screenwriting
5 comments:
The first spec I ever wrote was an obsession that sucked up a whole year of my life, perhaps more. I thought it was the bomb-diggity. Turns out I was wrong – well, sort of. I tried to rub mouse pads with high-brow bloggers and industry professionals like John August, but soon came to the cold realization that I’m on my own, and those guys don’t really give a squirt of piss about me or my dreams (and rightly so, they shouldn’t). They paid their dues (or perhaps just happened upon that one place where all planets are in alignment and their spec gets to the right person on the right day during the right instant). I don’t begrudge them that.
Now, I simply focus on good storytelling and LEARNING how to tell a good story. There are plenty of ideas popping into my head – I just don’t have enough time in the day to write them into specs (my wife and I have a new baby daughter who is very adorable and demanding). So I keep notes on the basic plots and premises and shelve those for a later date. Currently, I’m re-writing/re-imagining my original spec concept. I’ve gutted the beast, started from square one, and I love it much better than my first stab. In the process, I’ve found a compelling story while not losing the coolness factor of certain elements from the first.
So I’m not really worried what John August might think of me – he’s all about himself. I’m more focused on just telling a good story, and then getting it to the right person on the right day during the right instant when all the planets are in alignment.
Best Regards,
Devin
I thought my unique way of using another charcter's voiceover to describe the character would catapult me over the top, but, alas, no
My story was about the day after Die Hard.
You just know a John McLain type would be exhausted and need clean clothes.
I thought that was pretty creative. So, apparently, did all the people who copied me.
Exactly how much land is there west of Sunset Blvd? Seems like there might be more cleaners East.
I'm just sayin'.
Mine was about an exec who goes in with his penis hanging out, stuck in his zipper, and has the old lady help him out.
A funny little scene that I didn't even make a copy of. It disappeared into moderation, and never came out. Sigh.
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