As I spend another night barely able to find the words for my current feature, I'm plagued with thought.I'm never going to make Nicholl's. I have twelve days left, and I continue to struggle with my characters and this story. I really wanted to meet the Nicholl deadline - even if it was a first draft.
I have nobody to blame but myself.
I lived it, I know it inside and out - yet I'm struggling putting it down on paper. It's lacking soul. I don't know how else to put it besides that. The characters don't feel like they have soul, the story doesn't feel like it has soul, and the ending sure as shit doesn't feel like it has soul.
Soul. How do I find it? I know these characters inside and out. I've done all the writing excercises and mapped out their emotions and mood from scene to scene. I've all but sat down in a room with each of the mother fuckers and asked them to transcribe to me.
When I finally do manage to get a grasp on the story, I sit down and put to paper one, maybe two scenes that I'm happy with. It's moving slow. Is this how it's supposed to be your first time? Am I doing something wrong? Will it get easier? Did I pick too personal a story to tell?
My index cards sit across from my desk and taunt me as we speak.
screenwriting
7 comments:
Generally speaking -- If it were really easy to write - it would, most likely, not be very good stuff.
You did hit on something, though - the "did I pick too personal a story" thing...
I've run into this time and time again with new writer's. This writing about themselves...almost verbatim.
There's no end to you, so coming up with a satisfying ending for your screenplay is going to drive you nuts. It'll have a complete ripple effect on your entire screenplay. I've blogged about this several months ago (Autobio-Dwell). I've had new writer's tell that they've been working on one singular screenplay for years on end - a screenplay that they just can't seem to work out, and yet, they can't leave it be and move on to another idea.
I always ask them the same thing, "Is it about yourself?"
They usually look at me as if I'm some sort of second coming - when, in fact, I've heard the same thing over-and-over-and-over again from literally hundreds of people.
Of course, I use my own experiences in my writing, but I never write total verbatim screenplays about myself and my life. Sure, you can write anything you want, just tread carefully when doing the autobiographical stuff.
"Just doesn't have soul" is a polite way of saying it sucks; not your story or your characters per say, but your ability to translate what's in your head to what's on the page.
I think it's good that you realize this. There are so many people out there who don't, won't or can't, and for them, trading the suck in for soul will never happen.
You sir, have an advantage, and 377 days until May 1, 2008.
I realize I just wrote "per say," now that's some soulless shit that better not sneak into my screenplay.
Matt, I went back and located your Autobio-Dwell blog (November 07, 2006 in case anyone else is interested) - and I think you're definitely on to something with your theory.
It makes the most sense right now.
The irony is, I can't bring myself to start a new project until I tackle this one - I keep telling myself "Finish this first one, then move on."
It's clearly an ugly cycle - and I can see how a lot of people just starting out fall into the trap.
On the surface - autobiographical seems to be the easiest first choice, because we know the universe and the characters, so we're not creating out of thin air so much as fine tuning a story that is already in our heads.
And Eddie - you're absolutely right - it was my polite way of saying it sucked. It does suck right now.
I'm not ready to give up yet, though.
How long do you guys think I should give it before throwing in the towel and starting on something new?
Any chance in hell I can still make Nicholl? I have 37 pages I'm currently happy with.
Also - Eddie.
Say it with me.
Per se.
Per se.
Per se.
Madness? THIS IS PER SEEEEEEEEEE!
IQ - If you're tryingto make that deadline just hit it and don't stop. Ass in chair, my friend.
The best thing, most times, is to simply finish it - shitty as it may be - let it stew for a day or two - and rewrite the hell out of it.
Like a shark, keep chomping and swimming forward.
Dude, you still dogged me out after I already did it for you. Harsh.
Plow on through and finish it, even if it does suck. At least then you'll have something to rewrite which is a lot more than you have right now.
After it's done, go ahead and work on your next idea. You'll realize problem points a lot sooner this time, and know from experience which directions not to go.
It's painful, but finishing and rewriting is the only way to learn, even if you end up with a file full of useless material. Each piece taught you something. So many people out there can write a great 30 pages, but then they get stuck and move on to their next 30 pages.
One of the weird joys of writing is looking back at your old material to realize just how far you've come. Good luck, dude.
And the the time to start preparing for Nicholl 2008 really is right now. May 1 sneaks up fast.
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