Douchecunts. They're everywhere.
People that you absolutely loathe from the moment you set eyes on them. The kind of mother fuckers you just want to eviscerate, before you've even learned their name. The sort of people you would travel back in time for - just to make sure they choked on their god damn umbilical cords.
We've all known douchecunts in our lives.
We all know a douchecunt right now.
Unfortunately, society dictates we be political. Whether in an office environment, or an online community - the burden is upon us to be the bigger person. We can't simply call a spade a spade and be done with it. We're forced to ignore their antics and suppress our dislike of these individuals.
Thus, allowing the douchecunt to operate with impunity.
I'm reminded of several of these people I've had to endure over the years.
One guy, I had to fire because he was downloading gigs of porn and watching them - in the office, during work hours. He had the nerve to throw a tantrum and kick desks as he packed up his shit and headed for the unemployment line.
Another cat, so ugly he could only date chicks the rest of us wouldn't even fuck for practice - would incessantly jabber on about his latest and greatest money making scheme and try and get us to "invest" in his idea, long after we'd tried to change the subject. Mother fucker wasn't even part of our circle of friends, yet he'd just fucking show up wherever we were at.
Last but not least, the bitch with a forehead the size of Europe. Constantly second-guessing and going over my head to our superiors when I was just starting out in my old business. I hope she dies in a car fire.
The only reason I can mention these people now, is because they're ancient history and no longer a part of my world, or even my career at this point.
So a big fuck you to you douchecunts of the past. May you get the crotch rot.
As for the recent spike in douchecunt activity that prompted this blog, I really can't really talk about it.
But I will. One day.
10 comments:
Wow. As a linguist, I thought I'd heard it all but this new term deserves some sort of award. I'll alternate its use with my long-time favorite, "pig fucker."
I used to work at a newspaper with a fat ugly sports reporter who downloaded lots of porn onto his work computer. One day we found a few pictures of naked women with a high school volleyball player's head spliced on them.
One day he came to work deathly ill. We had almost no ventillation in our cubicles. Almost the entire office was out sick the next week including me, who did not yet have health insurance or sick days and I bruised a rib when I coughed really hard once.
I hope an alligator eats that guy.
The more I read, the more I know I like you. Part of the reason I don't work in the "real" world anymore is the fact I am unable to hide my disdain for the many who will now earn the name douchecunt.
We must band together and unleash a cleansing scourge against these people.
Some people use words as poetry.
I use them as ammunition.
Having worked on commercials for more than a decade, I've worked with douchecunts, pig fuckers and cracksnackers. A good number of them really deserved to be dragged out and have their internal organs kicked out of their arseholes.
Ah, feel better getting that off my chest.
Ok but while we're all praising the use of the word "douchecunt" can we take a minute to acknowledge that it is, in fact, two terms that relate to female genetalia?
Why is my vagina so offensive to you people?
That's why I prefer the term "fuckwater". It's gender neutral.
Fuckwater sounds like a 70's band.
I'll stick to blaming your vagina.
"People that you absolutely loathe from the moment you set eyes on them. The kind of mother fuckers you just want to eviscerate, before you've even learned their name. The sort of people you would travel back in time for - just to make sure they choked on their god damn umbilical cords."
I always find them sitting behind the desk at the head of the line I am standing in
"Cracksnacker" - another good one! Thanks, Good Dog.
Happy to be of service
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