Monday, May 7, 2007

The Way Back Machine

Welcome to the Way Back Machine - today we present you with something from my younger years. A book/story which took place in a video game. No, I didn't mistype that. Yes, you heard me right. I will cringe as I click the "Publish" button for this entry.

I don't even know why I'm posting this - it can only discredit my current attempt at becoming a professional screenwriter. But here I am, doing it... Here is just a small section of it for you to mock.

Be gentle.

* Crash has logged in.

Crash says, "So much for changing my life today."
Silvean peers at you quizzically.
You slap Silvean across the face.
Crash says, "Don't eyeball me, kid. I say what I want."
Silvean snarls at you.

Heh. I bet that pissed him off. Silvean's my arch-nemesis here. We're both powerful Sorcerers with quite the distaste for one another. It also doesnt help that we're interested in the same girl. A Sorcereress named Lylia. A beautiful, green-eyed, red-headed goddess with wit that paralleled our own. It's a good thing she wasnt around to witness that smack I just threw Silveans way - he'd have had to defend his honor and one of us would be dead in a pool of blood already.

"You touch me again..." Silvean begins to say.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Black clouds. Demons. My soul. Burning. I get it." I cut him off.
I chuckle as I walk off.

As I make my way towards Grey's Tower to kill some Elven Marauders, I'm ambushed by three trolls, equipped with black steel armor and enchanted flaming axes. I could immediately tell these were not your average trolls. Trolls typically wore leather armor and carried clubs, not to mention they werent native to the part of the continent I was in.

"Take his money and his head!" shouts the first troll as the other two leap towards me, dripping fire from their axes, dousing me as they descend upon my neck.

I try to jump back to avoid their attack, but I'm not exactly limber. They slice my left leg wide open as I fall to the ground in agony. The fire on their axes did nothing to cauterize the wound. I was bleeding like a stuffed pig.

I had two choices as they took a break to mock my unpreparedness. I could summon a demon and pray that hed win the fight for me, or I could send up a flare in hopes that a friendly face was nearby enough to come save the day.

* Crash sends up a flare for help from Twilight Forest.

"Hahaha, big strong finger-waggler scurred!" mocked the first troll.
"Mommy not come to help little finger-waggler today," continued the second.
The troll in the back, the one who barked the attack orders, seemed a bit worried though.
"Finish jokes and kill!" he commanded.

In walks Silvean followed by his loyal imp, Cackles.

"Fuck me." I comment, bleeding from the leg didnt impede my ability to recognize irony.
"I could leave if you want," Silvean smirks at me.
"Can I think about it?" I ask.

The trolls, fortunately, werent smart enough to realize that this was no savior and he had probably come by just to watch. They looked at each other for a second before charging towards Silvean.

Cackles, sensing the danger, immediately cast a protective shield around his master.

The trolls first attack was thwarted as they bounced off the shield and fell to the ground. That wasnt about to stop them, though. The shield was a relatively weak one and had dissipated after the first attack. As they made their charge towards Silvean four round two, Silvean turned to me.

"I hope you're taking notes," he sneered.

He raised his arms and canted the words to the Dark Catalyst spell.

A stream of fire, ice, earth, and darkness shot towards the two trolls like a speeding locomotive from Silveans fingertips. A few bloody, torn limbs flew in my general direction as the spell made contact. A huge cloud of dust erupted from the impact, and by the time it settled, all that was left of the two attackers were their satchels and two corpses burnt beyond recognition.

Silvean smirked at me.

The mother fucker sure likes to smirk. I wobbly stood back up, gripping my arch-nemesis shoulder for support. He hated to be touched.

"NOW!" shouted the remaining attacker, as nearly two dozen other equally well-equipped trolls emerged from behind the trees of twilight forest.

"Fuck me." I reiterated.
Silvean nodded at me.
We simultaneously sent up flares for help.

Although we hated one another, there were times in the past where we had to fight side-by-side. Mainly because of Lylia. So we knew how to work together well, even though I think neither of us would be disappointed if we never had to again.

Silvean took care of casting spiritual and elemental defense spells on us both as I summoned my loyal imp, Smirkles.

Silvean scowled at my pet.
"I knew you'd like him." I chuckled.

Before he could react and retort with something clever, we quickly realized the small army of trolls that was in front of us moments ago had just encircled us.

I spun around, stood back to back with Silvean as we both summoned a wall of fire in opposing directions, buying us a few extra moments.

I quickly pulled out my lucky Dagger of Trollbane and put on my Defensive Robes.

"Nice color," smirked Silvean.
Smirkles slapped Silvean in the right thigh, about as high as he could reach.
"Only Smirkles do that!" my little imp was emphatic.
"Thanks little guy," I petted him on the head as he smiled, happy to have pleased his master.
"Remind me to kill him when we're done," Silvean grumbled.

As the walls of fire began to dissipate, I muttered a few arcane words and vines began grabbing at the ankles of some of our would-be assassins knocking them to the ground.

I immediately yelled another incantation, sending a roaring fireball towards my closest troll. He flew back in flames, knocking down and injuring two others.

They circled us hungrily. Careful not to exhaust their resources, theyd only send in a skirmisher or two at a time, slowly whittling away at our mana supply. The banter between us began to subside the more it became evident we were grossly outnumbered.

"What now?" I looked over my shoulder at Silvean.
"Void." said Silvean.
"Void?" I questioned.
"Void." he was adamant.

A void was one of our most powerful spells. It took two very high level Sorcerers to cast, summoning an implosion that spared no one, not even the casters. A black void would open above our heads, and begin sucking in everyone and everything in the vicinity. Spewing things back out only after they were properly dead. Us included. It was a spell used ever-so-rarely, and never so close to town.

The trolls closed in on us, aware of our diminishing mana.

"Void now!" Silvean shouted as he began the incantation.
I was reluctant, but muttered the charm for implosion along with him.

A black cloud appeared over us and grabbed the attention of the trolls. They began pointing at it and whispering to one another as it began to spark and crackle. A soft wind began pulling towards the center of the cloud as it darkened further. The trolls crouched a bit, uncertain of what was happening or what they were looking at.

BOOM! A loud explosion came from the blackness above as the gusts of wind intensified into a frenzy as branches and small rocks were sucked into the black hole. A imperial guard of the city that happened to be walking by, and that could have potentially aided us in our defense, was the first victim of our implosion. Not as heavy as a troll, and unprepared, he was lifted off his feet in a flurry and disappeared into the darkness.

The trolls gasped with both relief and confusion. It didnt take long before what remained of the guard came showering back down onto our heads. Soaked in imperial blood and now beginning to fully understand the situation they were in, our attackers one by one began to retreat as their commander roared with disapproval.

"Army not run! Army kill finger-wagglers!" he demanded.

It was too late. One by one as they turned to tuck-tail and run, they were sucked into the void and spewed back out in pieces. We knew we were going to die, but at least we were going to die victorious.

Or at least we thought.

With still a dozen of the trolls remaining and our void at full strength, like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day, in walked Lylia, and four of our mutual friends. Lylia both laughed and shook her head at us as she quickly took notice of the void above our heads.

Finkle Nimblethumb, a well-respected halfling rogue of the lands who had made the trip with Lylia for our rescue didnt stand a chance. "Aaahhhh!" he screamed as he disappeared into the nothing. Only a tuft of scraggly hair with a severed foot atop it remained of Finkle.

The empath and cleric in Lylias party took no time to dispel our implosion before joining us in the fight.

"You boys seem to have found yourselves some trouble," snickered Lylia.
"Yes ma'am!" I responded.

The empath, a lovely elderly woman named Elisea Soother, ran over to me and put her soft hands around my mangled leg, transferring the wound over to herself before falling over in pain. She sat up and healed my remaining blood loss.

It was on now.

Silvean, Lylia, and I commanded our imps into battle as we began smothering our enemies with spells from every which way. The cleric, a man named Night Winged who made no secret of his dabbling in the darker arts, protected us with his divine magic before turning his attention to the corpses of the two burnt trolls - reanimating them to fight on our behalf.

With two troll skeletons as our front line of defense, taking the damage for us, Elisea could now focus on mending the wound on her leg as we took care of the remaining attackers.

If there was ever a time to impress Lylia, now was it. With just three trolls left, I leapt over Silvean and with one swift maneuver, grabbed the necks of the first two trolls - electricity crackling at my fingertips. A surge went through the trolls entire bodies, from their neck down, and they soon fell limp to the floor. Their necks charred.

Only the commander remained.

I looked over my shoulder and saw that Silvean was already preparing to cast a spell - I knew that I didnt have enough time to cast anything, as hed already gotten the jump on me in that regard. I charged towards the commander, Dagger of Trollbane in hand - and plunged it into his stomach. Looking into his eyes, which almost seemed human for a moment, I twisted the dagger upwards, gutting him.

"Not today, my friend." I whispered into his ear as he took his final breath.

Lylia clapped.

"That wouldn't have been for my benefit, would it, Crash?" she asked with a smile.
"Me? A showman? Never." I insisted.
She shot me a quick wink as Silveans spell fizzled away, unused.

Night turned our undead protectors away, and the fight was over. I could breathe again.

I turned my attention to Finkle's big toe and Night, "Is that enough to resurrect him?"
"You mean there was more to him before?" Night chuckled.

We gathered the satchels full of gold and treasure the trolls left behind, as Night resurrected Finkle and Elisea healed his wounds.

"Good to have you back, Finkle!" Lylia beamed.
"I think I shat myself," Finkle announced.
"I cant heal that," Elisea grinned.

We had a good laugh at poor Finkles demise as we made our way to the East Tower of town to scavenge through the riches our troll friends left behind.

As I drank my ale and counted my gold, it was becoming evident it was time to leave.

"I need to run," I said to the group.
"But I just got here," said Lylia disappointed, as she smacked my shoulder.
"I'll be back." I reassured her.
"Unfortunately," scowled Silvean.

* Crash has logged out.


Anonymous said...

I am one of the very few who never played video games... ever. The closest I came to was drunkenly picking up a joystick when my friend went to the can and ended up ending his Super Mario run

IQCrash said...

Yes, well, you should probably be thankful - look at the stuff it would have made you write as a teen.

I still can't believe I posted that.