Sunday, May 20, 2007

A Gentle Giant

That's me on the right.

It's official: I say some fucked up shit when I'm drunk.

As I woke up from my NyQuil enduced coma earlier, the strangest thing happened - I remembered something I said during a blackout. Out of the blue, as I'm waking up, I get back a little memory from a night I can barely remember.

Picture it. I'm passed out in front of an apartment - not my own - and the cops pull up and flash their bright lights on my face. As I'm wobbling up to my feet to greet the fine officers come to haul me away, I utter six magical words: "Don't worry, I'm a gentle giant."

Let me say that again.

"Don't worry, I'm a gentle giant."

What the fuck? Now I've said some weird shit while drunk in the past - like, "This is the new me. The old me? That was a beta version. This is me 2.0." I've even pissed in places no housebroken human being should ever urinate. But to look a police officer square in the eyes and reassure him with, "Don't worry, I'm a gentle giant?"

I couldn't make that up if I tried.

And why that memory? Out of everything my brain could have grabbed from the tangled web that is my memory of that blackout - why would it pick the one that would make me cringe the most?

I'm being picked on by my own subconscious.

I mean, granted, I am a giant. But you don't just come right out and say something like that.

Go easy on a brother.


Matt Hader said...

In the photo - Are you playing Putt-Putt with Edward Norton and Benjamin Bratt?

IQCrash said...

Definitely not.

A couple far more vile individuals.

Emily Blake said...

When I'm drunk I say shit so priceless other people want to use it as their Myspace quote. It's happened more than once.

I go home and write it down and put it in a script.

That line you can up with is a good way to introduce a character.