Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Eyes Wide Shut

I kept wondering what would be an appropriate comeback post after such a long hiatus, and I think I've finally figured out.

Ejaculation.

See, about a year or so ago, something really strange started happening to my body. Something that had never happened before, and something that defied explanation.

Whenever my champagne cork pops, my eyes squeeze shut. You know how you do when you taste something sour or when your eye stings? Yeah. Like that.

During climax.

This isn't such a big deal when you're with a steady girlfriend, because let's face it, she already knows I'm crazy and do weird shit - so she hasn't even asked what's going on.

But I started wondering what would happen when I finally break up with Ruth and start dating someone new?

That's gonna be a really awkward sexing.

Is she going to wonder if I hated it? Is she going to think something got in my eye?

I'm going to scar the poor girl into thinking she's got a sour pussy.

It wouldn't be the first time.

10 comments:

Matt Hader said...

Welcome back, Squint.

Christina Shaver said...

Wait. I didn't know blow-up dolls could see.

Anonymous said...

Did you give up yet?

IQCrash said...

I give up on things all the time, but what specifically are you asking about, anonymous one?

Just this morning I gave up porn.

Fell off the wagon an hour ago.

H_Factor73 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
H_Factor73 said...

Pussy. I can't believe you caved to your legions of fans and started blogging again. You are a sellout and you're not even getting paid for it.

Me on the other hand. I holding out for less money.

Welcome back, stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever.

Anonymous said...

Are you going to go back to work yet and stop wasting time? You take a whole year off and you've done less than you probably would if you'd been working 40 hours a week.

annabel said...

Welcome back, IQ! :)

IQCrash said...

Jesus, I think my mom found my blog.

Thanks for your anonymous concern/criticism, dear friend.

It definitely warms my heart to know you care so much about me and my output.

Tomorrow, if you're not busy, why not come over and we can discuss other aspects of my life - anonymously, of course. :)

Christina Shaver said...

I heart Crash's comebacks.